Someone Who Can Silence Your Storms
by Mouse9
Summary: One last Christmas. Before she can leave, there's fences to mend and exes to say goodbye to. And one last Christmas present to receive. H/L (past relationship)


**AN:** This is Lachesism's Secret Santa present. Who has given permission to post it for everyone else to share. I'd like to thank the group of writers and artists (my muses) on Tumblr who have thrown around enough headcanons. I hope you enjoy.

As usual: I own nothing. Craig Bartlett and Snee-Oosh are kind enough to let us play in their sandbox and to give us TJM next year for more fodder for years to come!

* * *

"She's driving me nuts, Li. I haven't even been here a day and I'm already at the damn store running her errands."

The familiar giggle came over the line, one that still never failed to tangle Helga's insides. God, she still loved this woman, she would always love this woman, even if they couldn't be _in_ love anymore. Who knew her one time "romantic rival" would end up becoming of the few people Helga felt she could love?

"Olga is trying to make everything just right. You know it's a defense mechanism."

Helga wrinkled her nose as she picked a package of fresh cranberries from the shelf. After a moment's hesitation, she picked another up.

"I know it's a defense mechanism, you've told me that more than enough times. But her defense mechanisms get my defense mechanisms up."

A light sigh came over the other line. "Don't I know it. And don't start getting techy, Helga. You know I'm right."

"I wasn't getting techy," She was so getting techy. The problem of remaining close friends with an ex was they knew your tells. It was double with Lila because she also knew Olga's tells from her Little Sis days. It was also the reason they were no longer together. They loved each other but in the end, Helga wasn't enough. She'd never be able to be enough for anyone.

"I could hear it in your voice. Focus Hel, why are you there again?"

"Because I'm a sap?"

"Because your therapist thought it would be a good idea to build bridges with your family before you escape to the other side of the world."

"It's not the other side of the world Li, it's England. And now you're getting techy."

"I'm allowed. One of my dearest friends is moving halfway across the world."

Helga glanced at the note Olga had sent her to the store with and moved down an aisle towards the spices.

"Skype was invented for a reason."

"It's not the same and you know it."

She picked up a small box of broth cubes from the shelf and turned to head towards the bakery. After doing Olga's bidding, she deserved cake.

"I'll pick you and Richard up something cute. Maybe a fuzzy hat? Or some crumpets?"

"Don't be funny. Are you still visiting before you leave forever?"

"I promised I would. Are you sure Richard isn't going to mind?"

Richard was Lila's husband. He knew about their past and yet, he still liked her.

"When has Richard ever minded when you visit? Although I still don't understand why you couldn't wait until after the new year to fly out."

She peered at the pastry offering, not much considering it was late. She finally decided on a cinnamon turnover. "I told you Li, I wanted to start the new year in a new place. You know, new year, new place, new me."

"Well I hope the new you is still fun."

"The new me is going to be great fu-oof!"

She'd turned around and immediately ran into someone. She stumbled backwards hearing a definite masculine grunt from the object she hit. She fell backwards, landing on her rear hard.

"Ow…dammit."

Her phone had slipped from her hand and skittered across the floor. And once again she thanked the powers that be that she'd bought a protector for her phone. Lila's voice could be heard from the phone.

"Hel? What happened? Are you all right?"

Shaking it off, she looked up ready to apologize to whomever she'd run into. Her eyes widened as she caught sight of the mass of blond hair and the slightly oblong head it adorned. The man shook his head and glanced up, revealing emerald green eyes.

"Helga?"

Still staring at him in shock, her hand reached out to feel around for her phone. She picked it up and bit out a quick. "I'll call you back" before disconnecting the line.

Across from her on the floor Arnold stared at her in equal shock.

"Fancy running into you here."

The situation was absurd. How many times in her life was she going to literally run into Arnold Shortman?

"Hey football head, how's it hanging?"

He chuckled. Her insides tangled. How the hell were these the only two people who could ever reduce her to butterflies and tied tongues?

He climbed to his feet and offered her a hand. She looked up at him debating if she really wanted to go down this road. There was two days until Christmas, then seven days until her new life in London. Taking his hand, she knew, would mess up that plan.

 _What the hell._

She grabbed her basket and then his hand. He hauled her up, letting go of her hand the moment she was steady. They stood for a moment just staring at each other.

"Wow," he finally said. "I didn't expect to see you in Hillwood again."

She shrugged. "Visiting the family."

"Okay, those are words I never thought I'd ever hear from your mouth."

She grinned. "Old age does many things to a person."

He gave her a look. "You're twenty-four."

She shrugged. "What are you doing here? I thought sure you'd be in the wilds of South America by now."

He shook his head. "My parents and I came back to take care of Grandma and then we just…stayed."

"You still at the boarding house?"

He nodded. "Although Mom and Dad kind of refurbished it with a grand from the State, after all it is a historical landmark, and now it's less of a boarding house and more of a split-level house." He scratched the back of his neck. "Hey, um…if you aren't doing anything tomorrow, you want to go get coffee or something? I mean, if you're still in town."

"I'll be in town. I don't have plans to leave until the day after Christmas. Family stuff and all of that."

Not ten minutes in and plans were already changing.

"That sounds…nice. Yeah, you want me to meet you somewhere?"

"There's a coffee shop off Vine and Main. The Brewery. Meet you there around ten?"

She smiled. Ten in the morning on Christmas Eve at a coffee house with Arnold.

"Sounds like a plan."

He smiled, one of those rare happy smiles that never failed to warm her insides. Apparently, it still did.

"Great. That's great. So…I'll see you later then?"

"Okay. Tomorrow."

"Great." He chucked a thumb behind him. "I…um…gotta get this bread back home before Mom calls out the Calvary. So, I'll see you tomorrow."

With a wave and one last look over his shoulder, he was off down the aisle. Helga watched him leave, waited until she couldn't see him anymore and her insides were beginning to churn with that old familiar panic. She dialed the last number on her phone. It rang once and Lila immediately picked up.

"What happened? Who were you talking to?"

Helga blinked once still standing in the bakery aisle.

"Li, I just ran into Arnold."

Lila's burst of laughter was all she heard on the other end.

* * *

The night before had gone pretty much exactly as she's expected; Olga was striving to be perfect in everything she did, Bob was still a neglectful tv obsessed father and Miriam was still a drunk. The only difference now was after years of therapy, Helga could understand the basics of why her family was the way it was and how it really didn't affect her in any way shape or form if she didn't allow it to.

She understood Olga's strive for perfection was similar to her rebellion; it was a coping mechanism.

It still didn't mean that she had to spend every waking minute of the next two days with them.

So, at ten am on Christmas Eve, Helga was walking into a weathered hipster looking coffee shop called "The Brewery". Everyone in there wore ironic skinny jeans, plaid shirts and down vests. Except for a small group huddled in the back that were dressed in jeans and nerd shirts looking very out of place. But if this was the only coffee shop in town, she guessed everyone needed a place to go.

She ordered a plain coffee, much to the horror of the barista, and scanned the inside for Arnold.

"Helga!"

She spotted him in a corner table, half standing and waving towards her. She wandered towards him, mug in hand.

"I'm glad you came." He said once she sat down and shucked off her heavy pea coat. He hid a smile towards the ugly Christmas sweatshirt she was wearing featuring cats in garland. She caught his hidden smile and grinned back.

"Does it help if I'm wearing it ironically?" she joked. He laughed, not trying to hide it. "Why wouldn't I come? Granted out meeting was a little unconventional last night, but…" she trailed off and shrugged her shoulders as if to convey everything she couldn't figure out how to say.

His fingers toyed with his own coffee mug. "I don't know. I guess…I'm just used to the old Helga who would've ducked out."

"Ah. No, the old Helga wouldn't have made these plans in the first place."

He looked up then. "True. You wouldn't have." He lifted the mug and took a sip, wrinkling his nose against the temperature. "Still too hot. So, why are you in town, if you don't mind me asking. Like I said last night, spending the holidays at your parents is the last thing I ever expected to hear you say."

The coffee scalded her mouth when she took a drink but that was the way she liked it. That small amount of pain in the morning to remind you that you were still alive.

"My therapist suggested I go. More of a building bridges before I shove off."

He frowned as he blew on his coffee. "Where are you shoving off to?"

"England. I've been accepted into a literary program over there. It's a work study and everything."

His eyes flicked up again. "Really? That sounds great. How long?"

"Three years. Two for the program and one for the work-study."

His gaze remained on her. Helga sipped her coffee, refusing to look away first and feeling unusually uncomfortable. When he spoke again, it was hesitant.

"Three years is a long time. Are you planning on coming back or were you going to stay?"

She took another drink, delaying the answer a few moments longer. She hadn't seen him in a couple of years, how did he know exactly which question to ask? When the question could no longer be ignored, she put down her mug.

"I don't know yet."

Again, their eyes locked. This time it was Arnold who looked away first.

"Does Lila know?"

Helga frowned.

"Why would Lila care?"

Green eyes looked back at her knowingly. "You haven't told her your decision yet, have you?"

This conversation just took a turn into uncomfortable territory, she thought. She picked up a napkin and began twisting it nervously.

"Again, why would Lila care?"

"Helga. I know you and Lila were together for almost two years."

She was shocked. In fact, she couldn't be more shocked if Bob suddenly announced he was giving up his entire electronics emporium to take up needlepoint.

"I…how…I mean…"

He smiled softly. "Little known fact; Lila and I dated for almost a year after high school. In fact, I'm almost positive she broke up with me so she could pursue you. It didn't stop us from remaining friends just like your break up didn't stop you two from remaining friends. Just because she can't be in love with either of us doesn't mean she still doesn't love us."

She held up a hand, her mind still reeling from the bombshell he'd just dropped.

"Wait. Just…hold on a minute. You and Li dated?"

"She does know how to keep a secret."

"No…wait. I would've known. I mean, you would've been singing it from the rooftops."

"Like you did?"

She jabbed a finger against her own chest. "I wasn't in love with her since fourth grade."

His smile never wavered. "I know."

"No. Just…I can't…no."

"To be fair, I didn't know you two were an item until a year into your relationship. And then it was only because I called her while she was a little drunk and she let your name slip."

"I can't even wrap my head around this."

He reached out and plucked her coffee mug from her hands. "How about I refill our coffee and she jump to another topic for a while. We can always revisit this when you're comfortable. Still one cream, two sugars, right?'

She nodded dumbly and he stood up and headed towards the counter.

No sooner than he was out of sight, was her phone out and she was furiously texting Lila.

 **YOU DATED ARNOLD?!**

 **Oh dear.**

 **LI!**

 **Are u yelling me via text?**

 **No. No I'm not. Sorry. My brain is just a little jumbled right now.**

 **Yes. I dated Arnold. Is that a problem?**

Helga bit the inside of her mouth. Was it a problem? Back in high school the answer would've been a resolute yes. Now, with a couple of years behind her, it really wasn't. She couldn't really bring herself to be outraged especially since one of the things she'd struggled with early into their relationship was a feeling of betrayal that she was doing one of the things he'd only dreamed about.

 **Sorry again. No. It isn't a problem. It just caught me off guard. Because that was the last thing I ever expected.**

 **Lol. Funny u should say that because those were pretty much his same words when he found out about us.**

 **Why didn't you ever tell me?**

 **Because ur in love w/ him & telling ur gf that you once made out w/ her crush isn't actually great for relationships.**

 **I'm not.**

 **What? Mad? Insecure? In love w/ him?**

 **Wait, r u still out w/ him?**

 **He's getting coffee.**

 **Get off this phone. Right now. Call me when u 2 part, no matter what time.**

 **No. Li, you've been talking to him still?**

 **Hel, ilu. Do NOT screw this up!**

Helga slid the phone back into her pocket with a grumble as Arnold returned with their coffees.

"So," He slid back into his seat and fixed her with a grin. "What's the one place you want to visit the most while you're over there?"

She grinned back. "Honestly? Cardiff."

* * *

The day passed mostly without Helga being aware of it. They took turns getting refills when they ran out and sometime during their conversation Arnold came back with food. They shared some sort of pita and veggie platter as he told her about his time in South America and when his parents took him to Australia. She almost spit out coffee in laughter while he explained his first face to face encounter with a kangaroo.

"Needless to say, kangaroos are not the cute and cuddly creatures we all know from Winnie the Pooh."

Helga had a hand over her mouth, bent over trying to swallow her coffee before she made a mess on the table.

"You almost got into a fight with a kangaroo? What did the kangaroo ever do to you?"

"Don't be fooled by their cutesy exterior, those things are vicious!" He pulled out his phone and thumbed through photos. "You know what are cute and adorable though?" he handed her his phone and she looked at the picture, her face breaking out in a wide grin at the photo of Arnold taking a selfie with a small adorable animal who looked like it was taking the selfie with him.

"That's just freaking adorable! How did you get this thing to take a picture with you?"

He took back his phone and pocketed it. "It's a quokka. They're incredibly friendly creatures. And apparently, they love selfies. There's an entire website dedicated to quokka selfies. I posted this one on it. It's like the only thing that didn't try to kill me while I was there."

She chuckled, picking through the pita bread. He ran his finger over the lip of his mug.

"I still want to travel. Stationary is nice but anymore I get this itch to travel; backpack through the Andes, visit Iceland, walk the Great Wall, see Loch Ness just to see if I can find a sea creature."

She snorted a laugh. "If anyone could find her…"

"So, are we going to talk about this?"

She chewed the bread slowly, running through the brief text conversation she'd had earlier.

"I loved her." She said honestly. "I still do, in my own way. But I wasn't enough for her. Lila needs so much more; she needs a partner who is happy sitting with her on the couch and just cuddling while watching cooking shows, someone who will get up early and sit on the front porch, drink coffee and discuss their plans for the day, someone who remembers to do dishes and put their dirty clothes in the hamper instead of just around it. Someone who loves nothing more than lying in bed on a rainy Sunday and working the crossword puzzles in the paper."

"That's not you?"

She wrinkled her nose. "I hate cooking shows."

He chuckled. She took a sip of her coffee, wrinkling her nose again at the temperature.

"I tried. God know I tried. But I am selfish and forgetful and greedy. I would spend hours at the library typing out words for college papers or flipping through old tomes of books for research. I'd sit in the living room chair an entire day reading book after book without of thought of whomever else was in the house. I hate getting up early if I don't have to, I'd much rather stay up late. In short, I was a horrible girlfriend. I honestly don't know why Li didn't kick me to the curb much earlier. Richard… Richard is everything that Li needs, plus he doesn't get insecure when her ex calls her."

Arnold toyed with his mug before finishing it off in one gulp.

"When Lila and I broke up, she told me it was because she knew she wasn't what I wanted. I was, of course, upset and a little angry and when I found out you two were together, I admit I went through a time where I convinced myself that of course I wasn't what she wanted because she wanted you. That we only dated so she could get closer to you." He gave a quick humorless smile. "That went away quickly because she never said I wasn't enough for her, it had always been she wasn't enough for me." His brow furrowed. "I never understood what that meant."

She'd never heard him speak so openly before. He was honest to a fault, but this amount of painful openness, especially to her, it wasn't done…ever. She opened her mouth to speak when one of the baristas approached their table.

"hey guys, we're getting ready to close for the holiday." Two to-go cups were placed on the table. "We had some left over. Stupid to dump it out. Happy holidays."

Arnold looked at the time on his phone and Helga glanced outside. Already the sky was darkening. Almost six hours had passed without them being aware.

"We're so sorry," Arnold exclaimed as they stood up. The barista shrugged.

"No worries. You two have been pretty low key chill. Be safe."

They took the to-go cups and their leave of the coffee shop. Outside it was beginning to snow.

"Walk you home?"

She looked over at him, coat buttoned up, his nose already going red with the cold.

"It's an entire two blocks outside your way."

He shrugged. "I could use the walk."

She smiled. "Sure."

They walked the seven long blocks to her house discussing old friend and old times, laughing and falling back into old habits. The sidewalks were covered in snow by the time they reached Helga's parents' house and it had turned dark, the kind of dark that always seemed lighter than it was due to the lights reflecting off the snow.

"Well," she didn't know what to say, the awkwardness that had been left behind during their walk rushing back. "This is my stop."

Arnold nodded, casting a quick glance towards the front door.

"Listen, I know tomorrow is Christmas, but you think I could…I don't know, stop by for a bit? Just to say bon voyage?"

She cast an eye towards her parent's house; with her damaged parents and an older sister desperately trying to keep it together.

"Actually, how about I stop by the boarding house. Do you mind?"

He grinned, the grin of a person who hadn't expected a positive outcome.

"No, that's great! About one?"

She found herself returning the grin.

"Sounds good."

"Great. So, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay."

He stood there a moment longer, then leaned forward and pressed a kiss onto her cheek. She hadn't expected it so it caught her off guard. By the time she realized, the warmth of his lips against her skin had registered with her brain, he had stepped back.

"Until tomorrow."

He turned and walked back down the street towards his street. She watched him leave, a million things running through her mind, her fingers touching her cheek where his lips had been not seconds ago. Finally, she climbed the stairs to the front door and walked in.

"Helga, are you okay?"

Olga walked out of the kitchen, apron and spatula in hand. Helga slid off her pea coat and hung it up.

"Yeah, sorry, I lost track of time."

Olga smiled happily. "As long as you're safe, baby sister."

Because it was Christmas Eve Helga followed Olga into the kitchen. Might as well start building bridges with the least problematic person in her family.

"Can I help?"

The smile on Olga's face told her this was the right decision.

"Of course Helga."

* * *

"I am living in some sort of weird rom com." Helga said later that night. She'd spent the rest of the afternoon and evening helping Olga cook and talking like, she supposed, normal siblings talked.

It'd been…nice. Not that they were older and had their own lives, old jealousies and resentments were slid to the back.

Now she lay on her childhood bed making the promised call to Lila.

"Why do you say that?" Lila asked on the other end. Helga could almost envision the redhead; sitting in her favorite spot on the couch, that god awful fuzzy throw she loved over her lap.

"Well, I spent the entire day with a man I had a crush on in high school, talking about a woman we both dated."

"I hope you didn't talk about me the entire time." Lila chastised. Helga rolled her eyes.

"no mom, we didn't, we talked about other things. I'm meeting him at the boarding house tomorrow and he kissed me."

"You kissed?" Helga could've sworn Lila sounded almost giddy.

"No. He kissed me. On the cheek."

"What?"

Helga's eyes narrowed. "Lila Ruby Sawyer, you sound like you're rooting for this."

"Maybe? Helga, you need someone to love you. Why not Arnold?"

"Because I'm moving to London in less than a week. And you can't just force people to love me, Li."

"Says you," Lila retorted. "And who says I'm forcing him to do anything?"

"Li…"

"There's always tomorrow."

"Lila."

"Baby, just let me imagine a time when you and Arnold finally get your heads out of your collective asses and do something."

"I'm not talking about this anymore."

"Okay." Lila knew when to back off. "Let's talk about the twenty-sixth. What time are you leaving your parents so I know about what time to expect you?"

* * *

Christmas Day arrived and with it the same amount of forced celebration that usually happened during her childhood years.

Helga had bought presents, part of the therapy, but with Olga she had really tried. She sat on the living room floor and watched Olga direct present opening. Miriam was sitting on the couch, hungover, sipping a mug of black coffee and trying to maintain an appearance of enjoying herself. Bob was sitting in his chair, watching Olga pass out presents but everyone once in a while, his eyes would stray towards the television and the pregame show.

"Daddy," Olga chastised and handed him a present. "This is from Helga."

Helga handed a brightly wrapped box to Olga, taking the elaborately wrapped present Olga handed to her.

"Here. Sit down and open this already."

Olga took the present, a wide smile on her face.

"Oh baby sister, you shouldn't have."

"Just open it Olga."

She ripped the paper off the present Olga had handed her and smiled as she opened the box. Inside was a cross body satchel, a pink moleskin journal and a fountain pen.

"Oh baby sister!"

She could hear the tears in Olga's voice. She looked up as Olga pulled out the light blue cashmere sweater.

"It's beautiful!"

She crawled over and caught Helga up in a big hug before she could escape.

'Ugh, you're welcome Olga."

At least some bridges had been built.

* * *

She stayed as long as she was mentally able to but by noon she was finished with the entire family. Well, Olga was fine, she was able to handle her more nowadays but her parents still managed to get under her skin and trigger her anger without saying a word. With a word of where she was going to Olga and a promise that she'd be back before it got too late, she had her coat on and was out the door, breathing in the cold winter air.

The streets were quiet as she tracked down the two blocks towards the old boarding house. The snow had ended early that morning and had left a blanket of white across the world. A blanket of white that was still, for the most part, undisturbed due to lack of cars on the street. Her feet crunched in the snow, leaving prints of where she had been and where she was going.

She reached the boarding house earlier than expected. Instead of knocking, she hung outside, stomping packed snow from her feet and trying to keep warm.

"You gonna come in, or are you just going to stand out here and freeze?" a deep voice asked. She turned to see an older blond man leaning against the open door. He gave her a lopsided grin.

"Contrary to popular belief, just because we spent a good many year in the jungle does not mean we've become cannibals."

"God Dad!" She heard Arnold's voice behind the man and the door was yanked open further. Arnold peered out and grinned at Helga.

"Get in here and warm up. Excuse my dad, he thinks he's funny."

"I'm hysterical. Your mother loves my sense of humor."

"She lets you think she loves your sense of humor." Arnold retorted as Helga climbed the steps.

"Hi. Sorry I'm early, I just needed to get out of the house."

"I understand. And don't apologize." He took her coat and hung it up, shutting the door behind her. His dad was still standing by the door as she looked around at the changes to the place since the last time she'd been here.

"So. You're Helga Pataki. We've heard a lot about you."

"Dad!"

Helga pasted a polite smile on her face and shook the man's hand.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Shortman. Heard a lot about you also."

Miles grinned. "Miles Shortman. And I bet it wasn't the same stuff."

"Mom!" Arnold yelled. "Can you come get him?"

A brunette woman stepped out of the kitchen, the same odd shaped head as her son.

"Hi! Helga, right? I'm Stella. It's nice to finally meet you, again. The last time was a little hectic."

"Nice to meet you officially Mrs. Shortman."

"Stella please," she looked towards her husband. "Miles."

"I was just saying how we've heard a lot about her."

"How about you come help me with the stuffing?"

"Who's going to chaperone?"

"Mom!" Arnold exclaimed the same time Stella fixed Myles with a look.

"Kitchen, Miles Shortman. Now."

Helga was biting her lip to keep from laughing at Arnold's red face.

"Sorry about that. My dad still thinks that since he missed my formative years that means he has years to catch up on embarrassing me."

"It's cute. And he is kind of funny."

"I'll tell him you said that."

* * *

The day moved faster at the boarding house than the morning had at her parents. She had lunch with them, listening to the loud table as they talked about old memories and past holidays, laughter very much a part of this family. Here she felt…warm. Comfortable. Safe. She didn't ponder why, didn't try to figure out why this house welcomed her in a way her own never did. It was enough that it did.

After lunch, Arnold's parents donned their coats and announced they were going for a walk. The door closed, leaving the two of them alone.

"Want some hot chocolate?"

"That sounds great."

She leaned against the kitchen table watching him heat up milk. It felt natural.

"You remember yesterday when I said I was getting to itch to travel again?"

"Yeah?"

He poured hot milk into two mugs and stirred them both, not saying anything. She watched him, taking the mug he handed her.

"What would you think of me going to England with you?"

The mug stopped halfway to her mouth, her startled eyes meeting his over the lip of the mug.

"I…are you…why?"

He shrugged. "Like I said yesterday, I've been stationary for too long. I want to travel. Where better than England?"

"But…I'll be at University all the time. I have an apartment off campus. I'll be there three years, you'll be stationary that entire time."

"Not really. It's a new country, there's always stuff to explore. There's still my goal of going to Loch Ness, which is pretty much a day trip."

"Okay…but why?"

He looked at her. "Because I think I finally figured out what Lila meant all those years ago."

He took the mug from her hands and placed it on the table, putting his down next to hers. It felt as if time was going in slow motion. She watched the mugs, not understanding what he was doing. He took a step towards her, his hands reaching up to cover her cheeks as he leaned in. Instinctually, her head lifted as his dropped down and their lips met almost perfectly. It was like she was underwater, that she knew what was happening but it was almost dreamlike. Her mouth opened under his and her hands raised up to slide over his shoulders as she took a step closer. She could feel the warmth of his fingertips sliding through her hair, digging in and nudging her face to an angle to kiss her better. Her fingers dug into his shoulders, her body pressed against his; needing the warmth, the closeness, the solidness of him. His aftershave, a musky scent, permeated her senses and she heard herself groan against this mouth.

Suddenly time slapped back and she was thrust forcefully into the present. She pulled away, eyes wide, hand over her lips. She could still feel the pressure of his mouth against hers, the slide of his tongue across her lips, the stinging of teeth. The very real warmth in her groin that made her want to go back to him, to lose herself in his kisses again, to drag him up to his bedroom.

His eyes were wide and so very green. Greener than she'd ever seen them. His breath was coming hard and her eyes were drawn to his lips when he licked them.

"Helga, I…"

She panicked. Emotions, long thought gone, came rushing back to her so fast she almost went breathless.

"I'm sorry." She gasped. "I…I have to go."

She ran out of the kitchen, barely grabbing her coat from the hook as she flew out the door and ran all the way back to her childhood home.

* * *

She sat on the couch, feet tucked underneath her, that god awful fuzzy blanket wrapped around her. Lila placed a mug on the coffee table in front of her and sat down on the couch beside her.

"Now, tell me again, from the beginning." Her voice was soothing and Helga wasn't sure she could take it.

She had run all the way home, crashing through the front door pausing long enough to shut the door behind her before she was running up the stair and into her old room, falling on her bed and shaking.

Olga had come in later and just held her as she cried. Once she'd calmed down a bit, they talked. About everything. Helga had left early in the morning, only saying goodbye to Olga and had reached Lila and Richard's home a little after nine in the morning.

She'd spent the day with Richard in his library, they both shared a love for old books and as his job was as a rare book finder, he'd shown her what he'd found the previous month. In the evening, he kissed his wife and Helga and went to bed, leaving the two women alone in the living room to discuss what caused her to arrive earlier than expected.

Helga burrowed further into the blanket.

"I don't know what happened," she admitted. "I panicked. I am a failure of a romantic partner of any sorts."

"Baby, don't say that. You aren't."

She looked over at the redhead, her expression dubious. "I couldn't keep you."

Lila sighed heavily and scooted towards Helga, lifting the throw and scooting under it. Her arm went around Helga's shoulder and she pulled the woman towards her. Helga rested her head on Lila's shoulder.

"Helga, I love you. I always will, no matter what. But, you weren't mine to keep."

"Kitten…"

Lila giggled, dropping a kiss on her head. "I've always hated that pet name. What happened?"

"It was nice. We were talking, and he made the suggestion of going to England with me. When I asked why he said he finally understood what you had meant. And then…he kissed me."

"On the cheek."

She could feel her face warming. "No. We kissed. And then I panicked and ran away."

"You just…left? Oh Helga," Her hand stroked Helga's hair and she closed her eyes against the memory.

"I can't Li…I just can't." Her voice was soft, broken, vulnerable and it hurt Lila to hear the vulnerability in it. "I can never be enough for anyone. Sex is easy, it's just two bodies; but love and the emotion behind it…I'm broken, I can't be enough for anyone, I'll never be enough for anyone."

Lila sighed, dropping another kiss in Helga's hair. "You are. Helga, you have so much love to give it's practically bursting out of you. You could drown someone in how much you could give them, a person could easily become swept away by you. Baby, we didn't break up because you were cold or because I got tired of picking up your underwear off of the floor. We broke up because I wasn't enough for you."

Helga lifted her head and frowned at Lila. "How can you say that? You were everything to me, Li. It broke my heart when you decided we needed a break."

"It doesn't make it less true. You are the most passionate person I've ever met; everything you do, you do with everything in you. And you tried, you tried so much to be everything I needed and I love you for that, I always will, but I could never be everything you needed, I didn't have that much in me." She pushed aside the throw, her hands cupping Helga's face when the blonde tried to move away. "Baby don't pull away. You know it's true. We could've been happy, could have led a life together, grown old, but there's a place I could never reach in you, a place I've only ever seen you expose with one person. You need someone who challenges you, who makes you so angry that you claw and scratch and bite and expect to be clawed back, someone who makes you spout poetry to the heavens just to release the feelings, someone who has the patience and the understanding to face your blackest days and pull you back into the light. I tried, but even I couldn't do all of that. You need someone who will willingly go over the waterfall with you. I was always a little scared of being pulled over the edge by your passion. I've always liked the solid ground, you know that. It's why Richard and I get along so well together."

Tears filled blue eyes and Lila's thumbs slid across her cheeks to wipe the already fallen ones away. "I'm not telling you this to hurt you, I'm telling you this because you need to face your fears. You know who is willing to go over that edge with you and it terrifies you."

Helga shook her head. Giving her a knowing look, Lila leaned forward, hands still cupping her cheeks, and kissed her. Helga's hands went around her, clutching onto her as she returned the kiss. She felt the familiar feelings of love, warmth and a burgeoning feeling of arousal she'd always felt when she was with Lila but after the kiss she'd shared with Arnold the day before, she knew it wasn't the same.

Lila pulled back and smiled. "You see? It's not the same."

"Well, doi?" Helga half joked. "Your husband is sleeping in the next room and we're out here kissing. I'm feeling a little guilty."

Lila laughed, dropping one last kiss on her lips. Helga sat back on the couch, her hand tangling with one of Lila's.

"I'm scared." She finally admitted. "I feel as if I'm betraying you."

"You aren't betraying anyone except yourself."

"But I liked it, Li." She words were soft and fast, almost too quick as if she was scared to hear the words aloud. "I liked it a lot. It brought out feelings I hadn't had in a long time. But I'm scared. What if I agree to this and nothing happens? Or something happens and it fizzles out within a month?"

"What if something happens and it's beautiful and glorious and you're happy?" Lila countered.

"That's even more terrifying."

"Helga. Jump off that ledge. Go over that waterfall. I have every confidence that you'll be safe at the bottom."

* * *

The plan was to stay two days.

The second day, Helga spent with Lila and Richard, visiting the little open air market and having lunch at the local restaurant. That evening they spend out on the porch with a fire burning and blankets on talking and laughing and having serious discussions about the world and life and ambitions.

"Have you called him?" Lila asked as she put out the fire. Helga, who was picking up mugs and plates, shook her head.

"I wouldn't even know how."

Smiling, Lila kissed her cheek and stepped inside.

"You still love her, don't you?"

She turned to see Richard leaning against the door frame. She shrugged.

"I'll never not love her. But, it isn't the same anymore."

He pushed off and walked towards her to relieve her of some of the dishes. "Oh I know. I'm not jealous, really I'm not. Lila is too good a person to be hurtful and you are too good a person to be that cruel."

"I'm really not a good person Richard." She said as they stepped back inside. "If I didn't think you were perfect for Li, you would've been gone a long time ago."

Smiling, he leaned over and kissed her cheek. "You need someone Helga. Someone who can silence your storms."

She smiled. "Is that a book quote?"

He returned her smile. "It's an amendment of a book quote."

"Richard, I adore you. I couldn't have parted with Lila for anyone less worthy."

He laughed as they entered the kitchen. Lila was at the sink and give them both an odd look.

"Is that a book quote?"

"It's an amendment of a book quote."

* * *

The next morning, Helga was dressed and packing away the remainder of her clothing. Lila was pacing the living room agitated.

"Now you're nervous for me to leave?" Helga teased as she zipped up her suitcase.

"Of course not. You're going to London and you'll thrive and you'll be loved by everyone at the University and you'll forget all about me."

"I'll never forget all about you Li. But that doesn't explain why you're pacing a hole in the floor."

"Just waiting for your ride."

On cue, the sound of tires on snow was heard and Lila rushed over to Helga who had just picked up her coat.

"You'll always be my friend, right?"

"Of course. What's going on Lila?"

Lila took Helga's hands, clasping them into her own. "Tell me the truth. How do you feel about Arnold?"

"I don't…"

"Honestly. First thing in your mind Helga."

"Lila, I…"

"Helga!"

The blonde bit her lip. "I love him. Still, always…but it doesn't matter because…"

Lila pulled a hand away to cover her lips.

"Then be happy."

She dropped a quick kiss on her cheek and turned to answer the door. Curious Helga followed her, stopping when the door opened and Arnold walked through.

"Lila."

"I called him." The redhead looked at Arnold. "You have your passport?"

"And my suitcase, like you demanded." He dropped a chaste friendly kiss on her lips and smiled up at Helga. Lila turned around, beaming happily.

"Go to London. See the sites, be brilliant. I expect that fuzzy hat."

Shaking her head, she hugged Lila and took ahold of her suitcase. Passing through the door, her heart was pounding strong against her chest. The morning air was cold and she could see her breath as she looked at the car parked in front of Lila's cabin.

"Helga, wait."

Her hands were shaking, adrenaline pumping through her veins. She wondered if this was what cliff jumpers felt like right before they leapt. Arnold hurried down the stairs of the porch and stopped right in front of her.

"Sorry, Lila called me last night and said you'd changed your mind."

"I had. I…just didn't know how to find you to tell you." She admitted. He looked at her, ducking his head slightly to catch her gaze. Swallowing hard, she raised her head to look at him.

"I'm sorry I ran away on Christmas."

"I'm sorry I pushed you into something you weren't comfortable with."

Both apologies were said at the same time, the words stumbling over each other. Helga smiled and shook her head.

"No. You didn't. I panicked. There were…things happened I wasn't…expecting and I didn't know how to deal with them…the feelings and I ran. I'm so sorry."

Arnold's hand came up to her cheek again. Her eyes widened, and she stood still. Hesitantly, he lowered his head, his lips meeting hers. The same feeling resurfaced, almost quicker this time, and she slid her arms around his neck automatically giving herself into the kiss and him. His hand left her cheek to slide around her waist and pull her tightly to him, the kiss growing stronger. When it finally broke, they were both breathing hard, not moving too far away from the other. Arnold's forehead rested against her.

"So, to England?"

"Yes. To England."

She'd be in England to see the New Year and she had promised herself it was a fresh start to a new life.

There was nothing that said that her new life couldn't start with an age-old love.


End file.
